Mother's Day

Well, I knew I would be filled with emotion on Mother's Day. I Knew this day would bring up so much hurt and disappointment and that it did, but it also brought more that I wasn't expecting. First of all may I say to all the women that are having a difficult time getting pregnant, I know what you are going through. I knew I was suppose to wish every mother a happy Mother's Day, but it was hard to say. Instead you start noticing how many women have children. You don't understand why you can't be apart of that majority. You see a glow in them that you so badly want. Let me also say to the women who have had a miscarriage or your child is in heaven, we are still mothers. We need to be proud of the life that we had inside of us and know that we are also mothers. So, anyway, I felt the pain of not having my children this Mother's Day.
Scott and I woke up and had a lazy morning before getting ready for church. Scott got me a Mother's Day card. I was so surprised and touched by his thoughtfulness and love. I think it was one of the best things he has ever done for me. Inside he told me how even though we were only with our children for a short time, I was a great mother. He also express his hope for next Mother's Day. Of course we sat and cried together for a little bit. I did have a small break down in church when they asked the mothers to stand. I didn't stand, but Scott leaned over and said, "you should be standing babe." After church we went to my parent's house along with my entire family. A few minutes after being there the girls congregated in the kitchen. My sister Becca gave me a gift bag and said something like, "as a mother your main goal is to see your children live their lives in eternity and yours are there." All the girls in the family chipped in and got me a necklace with two tiny rings with my children's birthstones. As a bawled my mom gave me a hug and told me she loved me. Becca told me to just let it all out, and made me feel comfortable with my tears. Jenny put my necklace on for me, and as I looked up I saw Sarah give me a smile through her tears. I also saw Bethany crying and I heard Erin off to my left sniffing. I was so extremely touched. I will cherish this forever. The love of the women in my family that day was overwhelmed with their thoughtfulness. What felt really special to me is that they were thinking of not just me but also remebering my children that day too. I never want anyone to forget the children I have in heaven. I feel so blessed to be in a family that grieves with me, listens to me, knows me, and at times stands in the gap for me. So, although Mother's Day was emotional it wasn't as much of a dissapointment as I thought it would be. Scott and my family showed me so much love and support.

Lord,
Thank you for blessing me with a wonderful, sensitive husband. A man who is strong and confident yet so sensitive and gentle. Thank you Lord for the family that has so many times showed me what love is. Thank you Lord for loving me and and wrapping your arms around me. For giving me strength to face the days I feel may be unbearable.
I love you.

Ellen