Baby tummy?

I have to tell you a story that happened to me last week at work. There is a student that I have gotten to know very well. He is a little boy with downs syndrome. I have known, (we will call him M,) M for three years now. Every morning M sees me, gets a big smile on his face and says, "Mrs. V.," and then gives me a hug. Well, the same thing happened last Friday. Except, this time with his head hitting right at my belly he looked up at me and said, "baby tummy?" Keep in mind that I haven't said anything to the kids at school yet. I guess you could say I am protecting myself for the "what-ifs." After M did this I smiled and nodded. Then he proceeded to try to lift up my shirt and see it. As I laughed and told him he could see it just fine through my shirt, I couldn't help but to feel as if I was overflowing with joy.
I had a Dr. apt last week. I had to see the nurse practitioner because my Dr. was out on an emergency c-section. I would have preferred to see my Dr, oh well. Everything was fine. I heard the heartbeat. In fact the NP commented on how active the baby was. She would get the heartbeat and then a second later she would lose it and it would be in a completely different place. I had to laugh at that. Now, I don't have an apt. until Oct. 14. That is actually our 20 wk. ultrasound. I'm excited for the next apt., but also not wanting to wait so long in between apts. I asked the NP if I could bump up the apt. a week or two. She said no. I thought about still calling and asking my Dr., but I decided that I need to wait. God has been teaching me so much about waiting and relying on Him in the mean time and I think that is what I am suppose to do.
Still sitting and waiting to feel my baby move. Everyone keeps asking me if I can feel the baby yet. I've been praying for that to happen sooner than later.
My brother and his wife are due in less than a month. I am so excited to hold that child of theirs that they have been dreaming of and praying and preparing for quite awhile now.

Life changes

So much has happened in the past few weeks. I guess the biggest thing is that I started work again. After being off for the summer this was a huge adjustment for me and I am still adjusting. I have been so extremely tired and wiped out but things seem to be getting better. Like now, my student left school early so I got the chance to come home. Instead of crashing on my couch I decided to update my blog. That in itself shows improvement. It feels good to get back to a routine and to my wonderful student too, (half days would be nice, but that isn't reality.)
Now, to the important stuff. Everything seems to be going good with the baby. I'm 16 wks and there hasn't been any spotting or major issues. I wish I could write how positive and worry free I am, but I can't. I have been hearing of so many pregnancies that haven't been working out. One being my sister in-law, two weeks ago. At 16 weeks her water broke. She was in the hospital for awhile and is now at home on bed rest. Of course my first reaction was, "it's happening again!" So far she is doing well and there has only been positive news. There isn't any more leaking and her fluids are at the low end of an o.k. level. Then, recently a friend of my family and his wife had to deliver their baby at about 23 weeks. At their 20 week ultrasound they found cysts around the baby and the baby was swollen. At that point the Dr. gave the baby two weeks. Of course I am deeply saddened for them. Why do these things keep hapenning? I still don't completely understand, but I never doubt the Father's love and His plan for us.
I am feeling more and more of a bond with this child. There are days when I look at my belly and just start to cry, the other day I read the baby a book, I feel myself letting go and dreaming sometimes I just sit and wait to see if I can feel the baby move. Then, I have a melt down, "what was that cramp?, I feel so connected to this child what if I have to let them go?, I don't want to loose this one. I'm so scared." Then, I pray and I pray and I pray.
One thing that I was so blessed with before, was all the time I had for my devotions and staying focused on Christ. Now with work, coaching volleyball and being so tired at the end of the day I haven't had the time I need to be with Christ. One day I just cried on my way to work and said out loud, "Jesus I need you so bad." I have been trying to get my Bible out at the end of the day, but my eyes are normally too sore to read and my brain is too fried to understand. I'm not a morning person either. I've tried to set my alarm clock early and get up for my devotions but I can't even explain to you how difficult that is for me. I know I need to make it work somewhere, sometime and I know I NEED it.

I would appeciate some prayer for my sister in-law, for our friends and for me to be able to find the time I need with God. Please continue praying for this baby that I have been miraculously been able to concieve and carry:) I say miraculously not because of my past but because every child is a miracle.....even the ones that get to go to heaven right away.