Oops

So, my "r" button has been sticking. The title of the last post should be My Heart Goes Out to You.
I can't figure out how to go back and fix it.

My heat goes out to you

Well my apt. last week went good! The doctor brought her little portable ultrasound machine into the room. Although it isn't as high tech as when you go in for an ultrasound, the doctor was able to see the baby move, the baby was measuring at 8 weeks 2 days which was right on. So, that puts my due date at March 3, 2010. We set up a plan to meet every two weeks until beyond the end of the first trimester.....that will put us into September. So, I have an apt. with the doctor next week and then in two weeks I will have a 12 week ultrasound. Believe it or not I am showing a little bit already. I'm not recognizably pregnant, but I do have a little bump. I love it! I wish I could tell you that I am not worrying as much. Every night I smile thinking I made it through another day, yet at the same time I become a little more nervous that I am getting closer to the point of where I was at with Faith. Still I am trying to cherish everyday with this child. I had been searching for a rainbow last week, finally on Sunday I saw one so bight and clear. Seeing a rainbow is a sign to me of hope and a promise that God will never leave us. When I was a child every time there was a chance of a rainbow we would all run out to the sun porch and look. When we saw one we were all so joyful. Most of the time we would run outside and just watch the rainbow get brighter. Then someone would usually say, "you know that's God's promise that He will never flood the earth again." I am dreaming and praying for this child that I long to hold in my arms in 7 months. I can't wait to search for a rainbow with this little one.

I have to tell you the main reason I felt inspired to post again was because I found out about a friend's miscarriage tonight. When they told us they were pregnant we knew we were only two weeks behind them, but we were too early to say anything yet. The second I heard their sad news tears started streaming down my face. I know the pain they are feeling. I grieve with them. I didn't think about not calling to make sure she was doing o.k. With a text back she replied confused and not knowing how to feel. I remember that so clear. I hope she talks to someone who has been through it or just someone that is extremely empathetic to her situation. I know how much it helped me just to tell my story again. I would love her to call me to talk about it, but if she doesn't, I will pray. If you are in the same spot, let me encourage you to talk to someone. It is okay to be confused and angry and sad and unsure of everything. Let me encourage you to give your struggle to God even if you can't feel Him right now. Let others stand in the gap for you. Talk about your situation and know that there is nothing you did wrong. There is no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed, there isn't anything you could have done differently. Put your hope in the eternal, know that you will be able to hold your child again if you have a personal relationship with Jesus. In the mean time your child will never feel any hurt or pain, heart ache or let downs. They are waiting for us to join them in heaven.

So Far So Good

Well, first of all I need to apologize for not writing sooner. After my appointment I had every intention of getting on the computer and updating my blog before I left for vacation. Things got hectic and I never got to it.
Our 6 and half, (that half really means a lot when you're in this position,) week ultrasound went great! I will post the pictures I got, but I don't have enough time right now. It seems simple things take me a long time on computers. Anyway, back to the important stuff, we heard the heart beat and saw the baby. The baby was measuring at the right growth. The night before I had prayed that we get a personal and sensitive ultrasound tech., my prayer was answered times ten. The lady we had told us every detail of what she was doing and looking at and for. When we entered the room she said she knew we had a rocky past so she would make sure to really take her time and pay special attention to everything. She had a couple of really cool things to say during our time there. One thing she said is how cool she thought it was that right now this baby is pretty much all heart. She also said she thought the picture resembled a diamond ring, with the baby being the diamond and the yolk sac being the band. Then she went on to say that in life rings resemble promises. You get a promise ring, an engagement ring, a wedding ring and these are all promises. Then she said she looks at this picture and thinks of it as a promise. Wow! I absolutely love that! When I have time to post my picture, you will really see the resemblance. This picture is God's promise to us. Not necessarily that I will be able to carry this baby full term, but that God has the control.

The last two weeks have still been a roller coaster, but I have been trying to give it to God everyday. I still get nervous with every little cramp or not cramp or not feeling sick, so I still have to work on fully giving this to God.

I have my first OB apt. in about 15 min. I will be able to talk to my doctor and hopefully get another sign that everything is going o.k. I'm hoping she will tell me her plan for the next few months. I will post sooner this time and let you know how things are going

Please continue to pray. I realize how strong the power of prayer is and I can't stress it enough.

Dear Father,

Please continue to take care of my child that is growing and forming in my womb right now. Wrap your loving arms around this child of yours. Lord, I pray that I am able to carry this baby full term and that this child is healthy. Lord, I trust you, your timing and your will.

Love,
Ellen

Happy father's Day!

Well, it has been a bit since I posted last. To tell you the truth I didn't write because I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to make myself completely vulnerable. After thinking and praying I decided I would like to keep this blog real to what is happening in my life.

After two rounds of Chlomid and three months all together of trying to get pregnant it happened:) Yes, Scott and I are expecting again! I got to tell Scott we were expecting on Father's day, which was really two days before a missed period. Scott was gone to run an errand and during that time I took a test. While I was waiting for the result I just sat and prayed. I prayed that I would understand that it would happen in God's timing. To my amazement there were two lines. My first reaction was to say, "Thank you Jesus. Oh, thank you!" My second reaction was to go into the baby room, (that had been started for the last two,) and look at the picture box I made and remember and grieve the loss of my first two. This wasn't a conscience thing, it just happened, that made me feel good. That I wouldn't ever forget my children in heaven. The pictures are of the shadow box I made and then of my two previous pregnancies.

Of course Scott's reaction was not like it was for the first pregnancy. He was surprised but didn't really say much at first. Then He started asking questions about the due date.

The reality of the situation is that I am sooo very excited, but at the same time I am so very scared. The week after I found out I forced myself to look through the baby name book and I got some pregnancy magazines. From then on it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Every time I go to the bathroom I feel a bit nervous. Everytime I feel any kind of cramp or preasure I worry. Although I don't know if I will carry this baby full term, I do know that right now I have a life inside of me that I need to me excited about. If this is all the time I have with this child, then I want to make the most of it.

Tomorrow we go in for our first ultrasound. I will be 6 1/2 weeks. I'm excited and nervous. The good thing is that there hasn't been any bleeding and I am started to feel nauseaus at times. Please pray for us and this child. I ache to feel this child move inside of me, I ache to hold this child in my arms and call this child by name.

I need my time with the Lord everyday I realize when I don't get that those are my more difficult days. When I do get that time I am filled. I have been reading a lot about faith again. Right now I am reading Hebrews. I have also been thinking a lot about confidence in our faith and in Christ. I am realizing how important that is.

Philliians :6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Please, please pray for us!