Healing in an Unexpeced Way

I told you that my sister was in the hospital on bed rest. She almost made it to 30 weeks. She gave birth and baby Brielle lived here on earth for 7 hours. Then, she went home. This was something the family wasn't expecting. We all new it was a possibility but everyone was thinking everything would be o.k. Although everything was o.k., it was o.k. in a different way.

Journal entry 3/12/09
It has been a week since I wrote last. Not because I didn't want to but because I haven't had a whole lot of time. A lot has happened since last week. Becca and Luke's Brielle went to heaven on Friday. She lived for seven hours. I went to the hospital and I was able to hold her 5 min. after she passed away. I felt a sense of peace, calm ad content as I was holding her. For me it wasn't like holding one baby, it was like holding two. When I looked at Gabriella's fingers and hands, I thought of baby Faith's ultrasound when she looked as if she was waving to Scott and me.(I have been calling her Faith. This is the girl's name we picked and at are 12 week ultrasound the tech. told us her best guess at that point was a girl. I also just feel like she is a girl.) I remember the two of us being so amazed at her developed hand. I'm sad it will be a long time before I can put my baby Faith's hand in mine. Holding Brielle allowed me to let so many things go. My Faith and Brielle along with their brothers or sisters are united in heaven. I am on my path to healing. God is making himself evident and it feels so good to feel Him again!
My heart goes out and grieves for Becca and Luke. They have been so strong, yet so weak. They continue to trust God. They have been such a light and inspiration to me. I pray that I am able to be there for them whenever possible. I especially pray for time with Becca. Time to talk and cry and just to listen to her heart.
When I told Scott that we miscarried he was so angry, we both were. When he heard of Brielle I believe he closed God out. He had a hard time with his grief. So, I prayed, my family prayed and his family prayed for him. On Friday night, the same day that Brielle went home, the boys in the family all still went on a planned ski trip. What a blessing. Scott went with a group of christian men for the weekend. Instead of being able to turn to drinking and partying to cover his hurt he was with my brothers. Whether they talk about it or not, it didn't matter. While Scott was gone I had so much time to talk with mom, dad, and Bethany. That's all we did was talk and cry, but I needed that.....I think we all needed that.
Inbetween the weekend and Monday a lot happened. Scott got a clear message from God to follow Him and be obedient. Scott had been lead to Deuteronomy 30:11-20. This passage talks all about life or death. If you choose God you choose life. If you choose death you choose other gods and are not obedient. So, in essence God was telling Scott his time had come to follow the Lord whole heartedly. Not to go back to his old ways. Scott's heart had been changed! In the passage, it also talks about the promise of children, and so much more that is relevant to Scott's life and the situation. God is here! He is near! What a relief, we feel Him, we can hear Him. He has never let us go. Although I don't completely understand loosing two of my own babies and Becca's baby in 5 months, I will trust in the heavenly father and know "spring will come."
My devotion for today:Deuteronomy 32:1-4
Listen, O heavens, and I will speak; hear, O earth, the words of my mouth. Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.
I will proclaim the name of the Lord. Oh, praise the greatness of our God!
He is the rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.