Journal entry from 3/02/2009

I am posting my journal entries so you know exactly where I was at with my mind set and emotions.

3/02/09
Will I look back upon this and know and see what God is doing?

Romans 5:3-5
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the holy spirit, whom he has given us.

It has been a week now. I slowly start to smile and laugh. I slowly start to continue on with life on earth. On Saturday I said to Scott, "I can't do this, I don't want life to just keep going on. Everyone is moving forward with life, but I can't." At the time I didn't even know what I was saying. I wasn't contemplating suicide, but I was in a pit. I think I know what I meant now. If I could go back I would say, "I can't do this alone. I need God to pick me up and carry me through this. Alone I have no strength." So, God, please carry me through. Give me your strength daily, hourly and by the minute. Alone I am so weak. Be with me today as I start another week at work.