This was written a couple days after my second miscarriage. My first day back to work.
2/25/09
Why is it so difficult for me to do anything? To eat feels like a chore. Now I have to get myself together, get ready and go back to work. I'm so afraid of having this feeling for way too long. Scott has been a great rock for me to lean on, I just wish I felt God more. Today I read the book of Nahum from the Bible. I was inspired by Nahum 1:7, "The Lord is good, a refuge for those in trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him." Then I went on to read Habakkuk. I felt I could relate when Habakkuk cries out to God, "How long o Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?" Habakkuk continues to pray and eventually sees God. I know it comes down to faith, it's just so hard this time.
Habakukk 3:19
"The sovereign Lord is my strength;He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights." This is my prayer today as I go back to work. As I grieve the loss of my second child I pray the Lord will give me strength, that He will give me feet like a deer. I pray for a faith that will allow me to see that God has a plan for me. I also pray for Scott, that God will continue to give him strength. I thank God for Scott and his love he is showing me.
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